Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Gnats

I read once that the industrialization of the south would never have occurred without the invention of air conditioning. I can believe and accept that fact. As much as I hate to admit it, I grew up in the south before that wonderful invention. All of our homes had high ceilings and attic fans. You can't miss something that you never knew existed; so I was completely comfortable without having a thermostat to turn back on a hot day,Now that I know about the joys of climate control, I am somewhat like the father of a good friend of mine who once said," Lord,please don't give it to me if you are going to take it away". Now folks a hot day down here is a day with the temperature in the mid to upper 90's and a relative humidity in the 60-70 range. It's not the heat that kills you, but that humidity will bring you to your knees. The only bad thing about those conditions I just mentioned is the absolute knowledge that it will get hotter in July and August. July and August in south Georgia can only be endured by a native.Some of us more mature natives try to make ourselves scarce during those months.
 Now if the invention of air conditioning allowed the industrialization of the south, the creation of gnats by the good Lord absolutely assures me that we will never be over populated in south Georgia. I give you Atlanta as an example. Atlanta is above the gnat line in Georgia. If it were below the gnat line, Atlanta would be a city of about 100,000 idiots rather than the several million who live there without having to contend with gnats. Unlike the gnats on the coast of Georgia, our little critters do not bite. If they did bite, there would be a zero population in my part of the world. However, they exist by the billions, and they all have one aim in life--to find the one orifice on your body and get in that opening. We are talking about eyes,ears, noses, and mouths in the case of homo sapiens. Since I now wear hearing aids, a gnat inside my ear sounds very similar to an F-16.
 I guess what really bothers me the most is wondering where the gnat in my mouth just came from. I am around dogs a lot, and tend to notice gnats congregating around dogs' derrieres. That same gnat sees me and heads straight for my mouth. Seeing as how I have observed that gnats tend to prefer butts over mouths, I think that I have come up with a solution all southerners should embrace. Let's slice a hole in our pants rear ends and quit wearing underpants!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Thanks to the geniuses in Washington we are being forced to buy a computer system and software that will track every crate of our sweet corn by the color,the grower,the crate,the field, and the particular planting all the way to your grocery store in your home town. This falls under the federal Food Security Act that evidently was passed by some non-farm politicians. The theory behind this is to protect the American consumer from having their food sources contaminated by a bunch of terrorists. Now think about this folks. We live in a little podunk community where everyone not only knows one another, we also know what model pick-up truck you drive,your family, and a ton of gossip on each individual who lives here. Don't you think that a terrorist would stick out like a fish out of water.
 At any rate, Cader IV and I left Tuesday morning for a 7 hour drive to south Florida to view the system that we have purchased and installed at our operation which is already in operation at Hugh Branch Inc. in South Bay, Fl. Cader IV said to me as we left," Pop,if you will drive from here to Valdosta which is about an hour and a half away, I will drive the rest of the way". Now that sounded like a plan to me since I had my IPad and needed to study for a board meeting. Little did I realize that Cader had evidently always harbored a fantasy of being a race car driver. I'm not certain whether I will be prepared for my board meeting tomorrow or not, but I am certain about two things. I am certainly glad that my Mom taught me to always pack extra underwear for a trip, and I am certain that I will never travel with him driving again without a Xanax in my pocket. Since I abhor my wife's backseat driving and loud breath intakes when I am driving, I never uttered a word. Of course, it is difficult to talk and pray at the same time anyway.
 we made it to south Florida and back safely, praise the Lord ! It was a productive and informative trip. I did want to share one observation with y'all about our trip. After driving through Pahokie, Belle Glade, Canal Point, etc., I have reached the firm conclusion that south Georgia does not have the red-neck market cornered! There are some "Bubba's" in that part of the world that could hold their own with the best I've ever seen.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

For the two or three folks other than family who might read my occasional ramblings, I apologize for the lack of writing lately. I have a good reason for that which I will share with you shortly. I have often been asked why I have never written a book. I love to read, and always have a book or two going on my Kindle. It amazes me how great writers are able to string a long story together while keeping me wanting to read every word of it. My mind simply does not work that way. I think that I could be a decent short story writer, but I could never hold out to write an entire novel. Therein lies my reason for failing to post anything lately. This is the time of the year that I begin gathering information and thoughts for our summer newsletter, Summer Scene. I fear that I do not have enough good information to write both it and a blog at the same time without using some or most of the same material.
 However, I am almost finished with my first draft of the newsletter; so I should be able to come up with some new material shortly. One thing that I might do at some point in time is write my memoirs of the years of working here at Riverview as a "social director for the over-privileged", but I need for just a few more folks to pass away first. I do have some stories to tell! Before writing those stories, I keep reminding myself that life is like a jar of jalapeno papers. What I do today might bite me on my butt tomorrow!